


don’t wanna cry (but I break that way)

by gingergenower



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Gen, M/M, Post 3x10, The Mortality Issue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 11:32:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15706383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: Caterina is told Magnus no longer has his magic. Alec hears.





	don’t wanna cry (but I break that way)

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from [where's my love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBuif8IAOKo) by SYML

Alec doesn’t see the glass smash, but he does hear it.

Staggering out of Magnus’ bed, phantom pain jagged against his heart and hand pressed over it, Alec shoulder-barges the doorframe on his way out.

He stops, though, when he sees Magnus already there.

Surrounded by tiny shards of glass scattered across the floor, glittering in the sunrise’s orange glow, Caterina’s kneeling next to the couch. She’s sobbing- bent in half like she can’t contain her grief, crying out in pain- and Magnus sinks to his knees next to her. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in close, her head resting on his chest. Neither of them see Alec, angled just enough away, not paying attention.

Magnus waits, letting her cry until she gives in to his grip, hands clinging to Magnus’ shirt, and he kisses her forehead gently.

‘I’m here now,’ Magnus murmurs, and she only holds on tighter, still crying, unable to speak. ‘We still have time.’

‘I-’ Caterina tries to speak, but her own crying cuts her off again.

Magnus holds her a little closer, eyes sliding shut, lips pressed together, and Alec can’t bear to look anymore. Magnus gave up a part of his soul for half of Alec’s. A future. His life.

As quietly as he can, Alec retreats back into the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe inside- just out of sight, but listening.

‘-hundreds of years, I’ve loved you for _hundreds_ of years-’

‘I know.’ Magnus’ voice is so sure, so calm, he sounds as though none of this affects him. ‘I’ve loved you in return.’

Head resting against the doorframe, Alec squeezes his eyes shut, and just tries to breathe. This is his fault. Magnus has the gentlest heart of any man he’s ever met and he did this, this is his _fault_ , he let Magnus go and it didn’t even occur to him what Magnus might have to give up for him, it never even occurred to him he would have to.

He’s dying for Alec.

‘How am I supposed to do this without you?’ Caterina’s voice breaks on the last word, and she struggles to get out the next, still overwhelmed by her own emotion. ‘We’ve always had each other.’

Magnus doesn’t answer straight away, and he only does that when he’s can’t think of the right way to phrase what he wants to say. Eventually, he simply settles for holding her a little tighter. ‘You’ll have Madzie.’

Caterina sobs anew, burying her face in Magnus’ shoulder. She’s still holding his living, breathing body, but it’s not enough, because now there’s a deadline on it. ‘We- we were supposed to have more _time_.’

‘I know,’ he murmurs, pulling back to sweep away the tears under her eyes with his thumbs. He holds her face, fingers light, just enough to make her look him in the eye again. ‘But all time is borrowed.’

Her hand shakes, reaching up to his to keep it pressed to her cheek, and Alec can’t stand anymore, but he can’t bring himself to walk away. There’s nothing he can do to make this right; he killed her best friend, the love of his life, and she’ll have to watch it happen, utterly helpless to do anything else. Alec didn’t even hesitate; he let it happen.

Alec listens as long as Caterina cries and Magnus holds her, pressing a hand over his mouth when he can’t stop the tears falling, stifling any sound of it. He deserves to hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't post this when I first wrote it because it's so short, but I just rediscovered it and decided if I was gonna suffer so were y'all


End file.
